


Let Me Come Home

by anonymouspersephone



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-08-17 17:21:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16520717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymouspersephone/pseuds/anonymouspersephone
Summary: William Murderface is not a family man. But when tragedy strikes he and Skwisgaar must come together to pick up the pieces of his cousin's shattered life. Together they grapple with the loss of their loved ones, their ghosts lingering in the halls of Delilah's empty house. Murderface decides it's time he took her home.Can also be found on wattpad by the same name. My screenname over there is RosesInACrown





	1. Many Years Ago

"I thought you were married" Pickles said between kisses. The singer's delicate hands swiftly undid his pants and slid them down to his ankles.

"It's an open marriage" she purred. His breath hitched as crimson lips wrapped around his rock hard member. Nathan enjoyed her small hand rubbing his own cock. She switched between the two men sucking and rubbing until she positioned herself on top of Pickles and began to ride.

"Oh fuck" he breathed. "Oh Delilah" while she rode Pickles she continued to pleasure Nathan every way she could. The way the metal head's piercing green eyes burned with intensity added to her own pleasure. Nathan loved the way she moaned on his cock. He loved her big brown eyes staring up at him even more, suductive and full of need.

"Let me fuck you" he groaned.

"Dood, let me finish I'm so close" 

"You can finish in my mouth" Delilah moaned. She got off of Pickles and positioned herself in front of Nathan. She stifled a scream as his very large, thick cock pushed into her. "Oh my god, fuck!" She cried while Nathan pounded her from behind. She took Pickles' entire length into her mouth.

"Oh fuck, she feels good" Nathan growled.

"I know" Pickles agreed. "Ah gahd, I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cu-ugh..." he felt himself release into Delilah's mouth and was surprised at her swallowing every last bit. Nathan picked up his pace making Delilah's soft moans grow louder with every thrust.

"Oh my god! Oh fuck, oh Nathan!" She panted. She felt herself begin to pulsate around the bigger man signaling her orgasm. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!"

"Me too!" Nathan came with a growl while Delilah came with a silent moan. All three of them fell onto the bed panting and satisfied.

"Never tell my cousin about this" Delilah warned.

"We'll never speak of this again"

"Never" they eventually rejoined the party, thankful that everyone was too drunk to notice they had disappeared. Everyone except Delilah's husband who gave her a knowing wink. Nathan and Pickles made a silent pact to take their threesome with Murderface's cousin to their graves.


	2. Blue Jays

Murderface didn't cry when he heard the news. He didn't really do anything except float through his day. He doesn't remember packing or calling his aunt. He was barely aware that he was travelling until he felt Toki's hand on his shoulder. The young guitarist gave it a squeeze in his best attempt at comforting his bandmate. Skwisgaar idly flipped through a magazine looking as aloof as he would allow. Murderface knew he was hurting too. He saw him and Chris sneak off at that party all those many years ago. They caught eyes briefly. He could see total heartbreak in the icy blue orbs.

It wasn't long until they found themselves at the hospital. The others decided to stay on the dethbus, including Skwisgaar. "I knows you knows" he whispered. "Nows ament's the times" Murderface was led to the same waiting room where his mother's family were.

"She's in recovery" his Uncle Jesus said solemnly. He saw his Aunt Tina sobbing in the arms of her youngest daughter. His cousin, Bridgette, had been crying also.

"Where's Ydian?"

"She's stuck in the city until Tuesday" Bridgette answered. "They wouldn't give her tomorrow and Monday off"

"How's Delilah?" Everyone's faces darkened.

"She had to be sedated.. when they told her about the baby" said his uncle. "She's lost her entire world, William" Murderface went very quiet.

"C-can I see her?"

She was eerily still when he entered the room. He took a seat in a chair by her bedside and squeezed her hand. She was awake, but didn't seem aware of his presence. She looked like hell. Bruises and bandages wrapped themselves around her body. Her right arm was in a sling, a couple fingers in splints. She layed in her bed silent, catatonic.

"It was a girl" she finally said in an almost whisper. "We wanted to name her Cecilia. Cecilia Marianna. She came out so small. Barely five pounds" her voice cracked into a sob. Murderface pressed his forehead against her hand.

"I'm so sorry, Delilah. I am so sorry"

"The worst part is, I don't even know what color her eyes are. The nurses offered to tell me. I said no. I didn't want them to open her eyes 'cus I just-just wanted to pretend she was sleeping. They took her to the morgue and I don't know. My daughter is dead and I don't know what color her eyes are" Murderface stayed silent while his cousin sobbed. He let a few tears of his own shed. He couldn't decide what was worse: his child being stillborn or dying in his arms. He hoped he would never find out.

Chris had died on impact. The truck slammed into them on the driver's side. He was partially decapitated when they removed his body. Delilah had been unconscious through her delivery. Her mom showed her nephew the one picture they were able to take of Delilah holding the baby when she had come to. Aunt Tina and Uncle Jesus managed to get one too. There were no smiles, just eyes that looked as dead as the child they were holding. Murderface was relieved to walk back on the bus to see that most of his bandmates had left to go drinking. Only Skwisgaar was there waiting.

"Hows ams she?" Murderface shook his head. "He was parskallys decapitateds?" The grim silence was the only answer Skwisgaar needed. "Knulla, gode Gud..." he held his head in his hands and let out a small sob. "Oh my gods... Moidaface, oh my gods"

"I know. I know"

"I wants to sees her. Buts I don'ts knows whats to says. Whats does I says?"

"You love them. Just tell her that you love them both"

"I loveds hims. I loveds hims so much" Murderface put an arm around the Swede's shoulders. They both allowed themselves to cry until they couldn't anymore. When they weren't crying they were drinking. The rest of the band came back to find them both passed out in chairs, slurring and calling out for their fallen friend. They would continue to get mind numbingly drunk until the funeral.

"I didn't know Skwisgaar was so close wit 'em" Pickles whispered to Nathan.

"They probably banged"

"You think so?" Nathan knew so. The same party where he and his friend had sex with the same woman, he saw Skwisgaar and Chris leave a separate room and share a kiss.

"Nah, he might have just been really good friends with them. He probably thought his guitar was shit" Pickles nodded in agreement. He looked towards the family of the deceased. A very large man that looked like an older version of Chris held a small, blonde woman as she wept. Delilah's parents stood at the door handing out programs. Various celebrities wondered in and out of the funeral home, many looking disinterested. He wouldn't be surprised if a few of them didn't even know who the man was. Roy Cornickleson was there shaking hands with Murderface and Skwisgaar.

"I forgot we were label mates" Pickles thought out loud.

"Yeah. You were at our label celebration" Pickles turned around to see a very broken Delilah. She still looked all of her seven months of pregnancy. He couldn't help but feel a pang in his heart for her. She carried a baby almost to full term, and she had nothing to show for it.

"How are you doing?" She shrugged.

"My family's been a big help. It's..." she hesitated. "It's been hell"

"I'm sorry for your loss" Pickles wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Thank you"

It took everything in Skwisgaar's body to keep his composure. He was almost pleased to see that Chris's head was refixed to his body. In the crook of his arm layed a small baby girl that looked just like a doll. He remembered hearing the news of Delilah's pregnancy and the flood of jealousy and betrayal that came with it. He knew he was irrational for feeling that way. Chris had wanted that baby so badly. He was Delilah's before he was ever his. But he loved him and a baby would just push him farther away. In that moment, looking at the small little creature, all that jealousy faded away into utter grief.

_"Come live with us. You can still be in DethKlok. Come be with us and the baby"_ Chris had pleaded with him.

_"I can'ts, Chris. It ament's the lifes fors me. I'ds be a shits fathers"_ He wished that he had said yes. It was time to sit for the service to start. Various friends and bandmates said words. His mother told stories of when he was young. Murderface recounted the first time he had met Chris.

"I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and said 'If you hurt my cousin, I'll stab your eyes out' and he said 'If I hurt her, I probably deserve it' and that made him ok in my book" he was pleased to hear a chuckle come from Delilah. She was to give the eulogy. She waddled to the podium and took a deep breath to gather herself.

"Christopher Lorenzo Delanco, was the love of my life" she started. "We met when we were kids, barely thirteen. He asked me out with a song, Brown Eyed Girl. I said yes immediately" She looked behind her at the casket holding her deceased family. The family that should have been. "When we found out about Cecilia he was so excited he cried. He kept kissing my stomach and it was like everything else in his life stopped mattering. It was just me and the baby" she paused for a breath and came dangerously close to another round of wracking sobs. "He wrote me so many songs. My favorite is the one we wrote together. It wasn't supposed to be a duet, but I insisted. He never liked the way he sang, but I think he sounds like an angel" she turned to face the casket fully. She layed both her hands on her husband and child and breathed deep. She exhaled, wishing desperately she could breath life back into them.

_Alabama Arkansas I do love my ma and pa_  
_But not the way that I do love you_  
_Holy moly me oh my_  
_You're the apple of my eye_  
_Girl, I've never loved one like you_

She sang their special song into the coffin, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

_Ah, home, let me go home_  
_Home is whereever I'm with you_  
_Ah, home, let me come home_  
_Home is when I'm alone with you_

There wasn't a burial. Chris had always wanted to be cremated. Delilah didn't mind his request. She found comfort knowing she would always have some of him and the baby with her. Only family was allowed which excluded Murderface and Skwisgaar. They waited for her outside of the funeral home.

"It's done. I pick up their remains next week" Delilah eyed the cigarette hanging out of her Cousin's mouth. "You got another one of those?" He knew she wasn't pregnant anymore and that she had no baby to breastfeed, but he still felt weird giving her one. "My baby's already dead, Will, just give me a fuckin' smoke"

"Haves ones of mines. They's menthols what's you likes" Skwisgaar offered her his pack. She took one, lit it, and took a deep drag.

"So what now?" Murderface asked.

"Roy offered to host a luncheon so I guess we should go to that" she sighed. "Look at those blue jays" she pointed in the direction of two jays bouncing from branch to branch in a tree. They all silently decided that they were Chris and Cecilia bidding their final farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes


	3. Misguided Ghosts

"Whens the last times yous ates?" Skwisgaar noticed that Delilah's weightloss was rapid. He wasn't sure how much of the baby weight she would lose after a month, but she was rapidly approaching her pre-pregnancy weight.

"I had lunch not too long ago"

"You hads chickens broth. That ament's lunch" Delilah rolled her eyes.

"I'm not hungry, okay? I haven't been hungry in weeks" he couldn't blame her. He knew she lost her appetite under stress and depressive episodes. He wished he had lost his appetite. He was binging and purging a lot more than even he was comfortable with and she knew he was guilty of it. The first week he stayed he ate almost an entire pan of her grandmother's rice and beans to himself.

_"Did you save enough for me?"_ She had asked. She examined what was left and shrugged. _"If you're gonna do this in my house, use the guest bathroom. Maybe I'll join you sometime"_

Most of what she was consuming was alcohol and drugs. When Murderface was on shift it was whiskey and xanax. With Skwisgaar it was wine and ambien. They had come into the habit of checking her breathing every couple of hours. Eventually Skwisgaar decided to go to bed with her every night. "I cans smells him ons the sheets" he whispered.

"Me too" They cried together most nights. In a haze of ambien and merlot, Delilah begged her shared lover to make love to her. "You're all I have left!" She cried. "You're the closest thing I have to feeling him again"

"Yous highs and drunks" Skwisgaar protested. He enjoyed sex with her, but this was for the wrong reasons. He wasn't Chris. He craved that connection too, but neither of them were him and he knew they would both be disappointed.

"Yous are high an' drunk all the time! I'll go get some wooder an' sober up"

"Yous so drunks your Philadelphias ams showings" she shifted to get up, but he wrapped an arm around her to stop her. "Don'ts goes" he brought her close to him and kissed her. "Whens yous sobers we cans fucks, okays?"

"Mm'kay" she slurred. "He loved you, y'know?"

"I knows" they slept for a long time, only getting woken up by the sound of Delilah's phone. "Let's it rings. Ams too earlys for phones calls"

"It's 12:47 in the afternoon. I have to answer, it's Chris's mom. Hello?" Skwisgaar crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. "Kathy, is everything alright?" Delilah knew it wasn't alright. Her mother-in-law had called about ten times a day since the funeral. Sometimes just to cry. Sometimes to ask what she could keep of her son's and never satisfied with the answer.

"Oh, Del-ugh!" She couldn't even say Delilah's full name before bursting into tears. Delilah rolled her eyes while her in-law sobbed. "The-the b-babies pack n' play c-came today!" There was a pang in her heart. Her and Chris had agreed that a pack n' play for both sets of grandparents was a good idea. She began to mourn all the family visits they would never get to have, sleep overs that would never be. "Wha-what should I-I do with it?" Delilah sighed. She still had a full nursery she had no energy to clear.

"I don't know Kathy... maybe one of your nieces might need it or you can donate it?"

"It was for my baby, though"

'Here she goes with that _my baby_ bullshit' Delilah thought bitterly. "I know how you feel, Kathy. I have a full nursery _my_ baby never got to use. I think it would be best to donate everything" she sat through another bout of hysterical sobbing before Kathy calmed down.

"I'm just so glad she didn't meet that devil worshipping cousin of yours. Or exposed to any of his satanic music"

"Will doesn't worship the devil, Kathy" Delilah's voice began to drip with venom. "He's an athiest, just like your son was an athiest"

"I'm sure in his final moments he made the right choice-"

"Goodbye, Kathy!" Delilah hung up with out another word.

"Everythings okay?" Skwisgaar asked. He hung in the doorway with two cups of coffee.

"I hope one of those is Irish" the Swede raised an eyebrow.

"Roughs call withs the in-laws, huh?" Delilah lit a cigarette and grabbed her coffee.

"God, she is such a fucking bitch" Delilah growled. "Did you actually put whiskey in this?"

"I puts it ins boths" he answered taking a sip. "So, what's ams we doings today?"

"I don't know. I guess I should start clearing the nursery" her face darkened. She hadn't been in there since the day of the accident. They stood in the door, Delilah's eyes wide with pain.

"We don'ts has to if yous aments ready-"

"It's fine" she cut him off. "It needs to be done" She was shaking. Skwisgaar could see a fresh wave of tears coming. He grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. He felt her body sway and caught her before she fell on her knees. "I can't do this" she sobbed.

"It's okays"

"I'm too weak. I can't do this anymore"

"You ams weak froms not eatings"

"Skwisgaar, it's like they're haunting me. I see them in my dreams. I see them in the house" she looked at him with wild eyes. "Why do they die and I live? I should have died with them!" The guitarist hugged his friend close to him.

"Don'ts says that. You ament's says that ever!" He was dangerously close to tears himself. "Does you thinks I coulds lives withouts yous _and_ Chris? Delilahs, he loveds us. He woulds wants us to lives" they both fell to the floor, crying and holding each other. Delilah's grief came so hard she made no sound except for small, pained gasps. Skwisgaar knew what she meant. He felt the ghosts of his lover and lover's child all around. It was hard enough for him, but it was absolute hell for her.

"I want to die" she wimpered.

"You amemt's goings to" Skwisgaar kissed her softly in an attempt to calm her. "You needs to eats." He picked up the frail woman and took her to the couch.

"I can't eat" she protested.

"We don'ts has to keeps it down. I'll orders anythings you wants. Anythings what's all" he watched her curl up on the couch and go silent. He poured themselves some wine and sat next to her. They sat in relative silence for a few hours. Delilah downed glass after glass of red wine, sneaking off every so often for an ambien. "You shoulds really eats if yous gonna uses that stuffs. Ams dangerous ons an empties stomachs."

"It's fine" she said meekly. "I ordered uber eats. We have hoagies on the way." Skwisgaar smiled.

"Thanks yous"

"You said I don't gotta keep it down" she rested her head on his shoulder and kissed the nape of his neck. "Thank you so much for being here. I know it's hard for you too. I dunno what I would do wit' out you or Will" Skwisgaar returned her gratitude with physical affection. He never truly realized how valuable the Delancos were to him until he let his gaurd down with them. He could be gentle and loving with the woman in his arms and she wouldn't hurt him. She didn't care about his fame. She just needed her friend. "I love you, Skwis" she sighed.

"I loves you toos." They ate (and purged), they drank and smoked, they took pills and kissed. "Whens does Moidaface comes back?" Skwisgaar slurred.

"Sunday"

"What's days ams it nows?"

"Ah, fuck I dunno" Delilah hadn't kept track of her days since her family died. "My phone says it's Friday"

"I wants to stays heres withs you"

"Yous both can be here. He might see us go to bed together, though"

"He alreadys knows we has sex" Skwisgaar shrugged.

"Not for a while" Delilah replied. "I wanted to last night. So badly" She felt the Swede's soft lips press against her forehead. "I don' even know if I'm ready yet"

"There ament's a rush" Skwisgaar reassured her. "I misses his body"

"So do I. I miss the way he would grab my face when he kissed me. So gentle like I was gonna break or somethin'" Skwisgaar placed a sleek hand on both freckled cheeks and kissed her slowly and deeply. "Yeah, like that" she breathed. They made out on the couch, rubbing their bodies together for relief.

"Ams this okays?" Skwisgaar asked. She answered him with a deep kiss.

"Let's go to the bedroom" She whispered softly in his ear.

They layed down on the bed kissing and petting. Slowly they undressed. Skwisgaar spent time slowly caressing her body. She arched into every touch. With her finger she gently traced up and down the shaft of his erection.

"Remember when yous two were just starting to see each other? And we did that thing?" Delilah asked. Skwisgaar knew exactly what she was talking about. He nodded his reply. "Can... can we do that?"

"Ja" he watched her cross the room to the closet where she pulled out a vibrating massage wand. She plugged in the chord, positioned herself infront of the guitarist and hit the switch. The wand began to hum and vibrate. She placed it on her sensitive clitorus and began to masturbate. Skwisgaar had realized how much pregnancy would change a body. Her vagina looked different to him. Not horrible, different, but it had definitely changed. Her labia were a bit looser, the already darkened skin a little darker. The ghost of labor was still fresh and a crib stood empty. He pushed the thoughts from his mind as her breaths turned shallow. He pumped himself, imagining that Chris was there watching them. He loved to watch them. Delilah grinded on her wand moaning with every buck of her hips.

"I'm gonna cum" she breathed.

"Does it. Cums" she rolled her hips, mashing herself harder into the vibrator. Her moans became louder with every twitch of her body.

"I'm cumming!" She shouted. "I'm cumming! I'm cummi-OH!" Her orgasm came in one loud, long groan. Her body stiffened then relaxed. Skwisgaar watched her vagina contract from pleasure.

"Lays downs on yous back. I wants to fucks yous" he commanded. She complied, spreading wide for him. He positioned himself ontop of her, pushed inside and pretended that it was Chris.

The two rested in each other's arms, basking in the glow of orgasm. Skwisgaar had drifted to sleep. Delilah drifted between slumber and conciousness. While her eyelids grew heavier she cought the figure of her husband in the corner of the room. His head dangled halfway off of his neck. In his arms was a creature with glowing white eyes. She tried to move, but she couldn't. She felt her breath catch in her lungs. She struggled to close her eyes, but they just wouldn't. A baby's cry drifted into her room from the neglected nursery. The ghost of her husband came closer. She tried to scream, but she couldn't. The suffocating force had too much power of her. She mentally willed for Skwisgaar to wake up even though she knew he wouldn't. As the ghost came closer and the cries grew louder she finally regained her ability to scream. She screamed until the shadows and phantom cries disappeared

"What's ams wrongs!?" An alarmed Skwisgaar shouted. He jolted upright and scanned the dark room.

"He was here" Delilah croaked. "He was here.. and the baby.. they were here!"

"There ament's anythings here-"

"I saw them they were here!" Her panicked screams turned to violent sobs. "They were here! I heard her, I heard my baby!" Skwisgaar pulled his lover close to him.

"Ams justs a dreams. Ams okays"

"Skwisgaar... I saw them." He shushed her and rocked her in his arms. "I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. He was coming for me"

"Sounds likes what's ams a wakings dreams. Sleeps paralyksis" he laid her back down. "I sees hims in my dreams too. Ams just memories ands stress"

"It felt so real" she shuddered. "Misguided ghosts.."

"Nots ghosts. Justs hallucinations"


	4. Strange Encounter

Many years ago, Skwisgaar Skwigelf laid eyes on the most incredibly average guitar player he had ever seen (by his standards). He didn't think it was terrible, but it definitely wasn't good. The only saving grace was the guitarist's vocals, blending with the woman's on stage.

_The comedy of man starts like this_  
_Our brains are way too big_  
_For our mothers' hips_  
_So nature, she divines this alternative_  
_We emerged half formed and hope that whoever greets us on the other end_  
_Is kind enough to fill us in_  
_And babies, that's pretty much how it's been ever since_

The guitarist was quite the showman. He wiggled slim hips to the rhythm of the music. Skwisgaar caught the way he glanced lovingly towards his wife on the keyboard matching his harmonies to hers. They were a beautiful couple. And though the guitar left much to be desired, the song was growing on him.

_Comedy, now that's what I call pure comedy_  
_Just waiting until the part where they start_  
_To believe they're at the center of everything_  
_And some all powerful being endowed this_  
_horror show with meaning_

_Oh, their religions are the best_  
_They worship themselves yet they're totally obsessed with risen zombies, celestial virgins_  
_Magic tricks these unbelievable outfits_  
_And they get terribly upset_  
_When you question their sacred texts_  
_Written by woman-hating epileptics_

The music slowed to a soft melody. The guitarist set his acoustic down, letting his wife's keyboard shine through. The vocals began to climb, the band matching with a booming crescendo. Skwisgaar felt something bloom inside of him as he watched the man on stage dance, truly enjoying every minute he performed.

_Oh, comedy! It's like something that a madman would conceive!_  
_The only thing that seems to make them feel alive is the struggle to survive_  
_But the only thing that they request is something to numb the pain with_  
_Until there's nothing human left_  
_Just random matter suspended in the dark_  
_I hate to say it, but each other's all we got..._

"How'd you like the show?" A deep voice with a thick Philadelphia accent asked. Skwisgaar turned to face the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen. "You're in Will's band right? I think he said you were from Switzerland?"

"Swedens, actuallys" The blonde answered. "You means Moidaface rights? Ja, I plays guitars with Magnus"

"Magnus is the guy with the curly hair and crazy eyes, right?"

"That cans also describes Moidaface" Skwisgaar joked. The man chuckled

"I'm Chris. My wife is over there with the rest of your crew. C'mon I'll introduce you"

Chris was charming, with boyish good looks, a stubbly beard, and hazel eyes. Skwisgaar admired the way his wife played with his mop of dirty blonde hair. It was obvious the way they looked at each other that they were deeply in love.

The signing party was very lowkey compared to Dethklok's. Various suits and ties, too old to understand the music they produced, bounced around the ballroom making small talk and bragging about material possessions. "I should be more excited, right?" Delilah asked no one in particular. Skwisgaar gazed down at the tiny girl.

"We's was eskiteds, buts we stills hates these fancies parties" his gazed turned to her husband chatting with Roy Cornickleson. "Yous guys soundeds goods tonights"

"Thanks. I know it's not your sound, but I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" her gaze followed his. "He's fuckin' gorgeous, right?" Her comment took Skwisgaar by surprise.

"I's uh.. I ams straights" he lied. She raised an eyebrow.

"If you say so. We're open, y'know?" She took a sip of her old fashiined and wiggled her eyebrows. "And he likes his men tall" Skwisgaar prayed he wasn't blushing. "But if you're straight, you're straight. I'm gonna go hit on your frontman. I'll catch you later."

"Ja, laters" Skwisgaar escaped for fresh air and a cigarette. He hated New Jersey, but the smell of the ocean mixed with cool spring air gave a certain comfort. He exhaled a drag of his smoke and sighed to himself.

"Hey, you left the party" the concerned voice of Chris came from behind him.

"I neededs somes airs" his new label mate stood beside him and lit his own smoke.

"Yeah, I feel you. This is exhausting."

"Ams you eskiteds? Abouts getting signeds?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" Chris giggled. "It feels like some crazy dream. I feel like at any moment I'll wake up and we'll be back to where we started." He looked into Skwisgaar's eyes. The Swede felt instant arousal. "Did you feel like that when you got signed?"

"Ja. I still does sometimes. It's likes what's ams a constants paranoias. Anys days I coulds snaps outs of its. Be backs in Stockholms..." the last six months had been a rollercoaster ride for him. "I ament's sure I's ever gets useds to its"

"I don't think I ever will either" they fell silent, the only sound being the crashing waves and booming music from the party.

"So..." Skwisgaar hesitated. "Delilah says you ams opens?" Chris grinned.

"Yeah. Did she mention I like my men tall?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "Pure Comedy" by Father John Misty


	5. Phantom Limb

Abigail sipped her third cup of coffee of the day. The night terrors she suffered were relentless. Nathan was good in the beginning. He would hold her tightly and sooth her with reassurances that she was safe. Toki was safe. Magnus was six feet under and he couldn't hurt her anymore. By month four he became burnt out. She couldn't blame him. He wasn't equipped to handle his own trauma, let alone hers. At month six she decided to end things.

_"I need to focus on myself, Nathan. I need to get better"_

_"Abby, you can get better with me! I love you!"_

_"I love you too. Which is why I want to get healthy. You deserve someone healthy"_

She assured him it was only until she could better manage herself. He promised her he would wait, though she didn't expect him to. At month eight she was still suffering the after effects and didn't see an end to them any time soon.

"Murderface and Skwisgaar are going to be in Jersey until Thursday. I'll be leaving to join them tonight. In the meantime, I'm leaving Abigail in charge" Charles glanced towards the exhausted producer. She perked up at the sound of her name.

"Huh?"

"You're in charge while I'm gone"

"Oh" she didn't have the energy to manage three man children, but it was only for a couple of days. The worst would be extended exposure to Nathan who made it no secret how awful the break up had been on him.

"Why're you going to Jersey?" Pickles was, surprisingly, the only one paying attention.

"Well, Pickles, that question actually brings me to my next topic. It seems that, uh, Murderface's cousin Delilah is having a hard time after her husband's passing. Murderface and Skwisgaar both think it might be a good idea for her to come stay with us for a while. You know, get, uh, get away, different atmosphere and such"

Nathan raised an eyebrow. He always liked Delilah. He genuinely enjoyed her company, as did Pickles. He glanced at Toki, who was growing jealous of the attention Skwisgaar was giving to the recent widow. When Toki came home he clung to Skwisgaar like a security blanket. He would sleep with him almost every night, he began practicing scales with him, and he would stick as close to him as he could. He shared a knowing glance with Pickles who also noticed.

"Whys does she needs to comes heres?" Toki asked bitterly. Charles looked at him sympathetically.

"She just went through something really hard, Toki. Surely, you can understand that?" The Norwegian stood up suddenly and stormed out.

"I'll go talk to him" Abigail offered.

"No, I'll go" Nathan countered. She rolled her eyes.

"Nathan, I really think I should talk to him. I understand what he's going through"

"And I don't?" He argued.

"No, I really don't think you do" Abigail replied.

"You don't know what I do and don't know!" He shouted.

"I can go talk to him" Pickles chimed in. Charles gave him a stern look and shook his head.

"Don't yell at me, Nathan!" Abigail felt her voice getting louder.

"I'm not yelling at you! I just want to go talk to Toki!" Abigail gripped her coffee mug tight.

'Don't get triggered. Don't get triggered' she pleaded with herself.

"Fine. Go talk to him, I don't fucking care. I gotta go" she darted out of the conference room, collapsing into the hallway. She took a couple deep breaths and composed herself.

"Abby, ams yous okays?" Toki was in the hallway too. He had been crying.

"It got loud in there" she said in a shaky voice. "Are you okay?" He brought his knees closer into his chest.

"He's goings to picks her"

Nathan's attempted talk with Toki fell flat. "So what if he picks her? She's hot, she's into two guys at once, don't, don't ask me how I know that. Actually I don't know that at all. Forget I said anything"

"I don'ts cares, Nat'ens. Theys beens fuckings for what's ams what's? Likes tens years? There's feelings theres"

"Maybe?" Nathan shrugged. "Well, uh, good talk. Bye"

"Nat'ens, waits.." Toki hesitated. "Does yous, does yous miss Abigail likes Toki misses Skwisgaar?"

"Skwisgaar's coming back to you Toki" Nathan left the Nord to be alone and stew. He had some stewing of his own to do. He plopped down on the living room couch, next to Pickles. "God damn, this is brutal"

"Tell me about it" Pickles said over his Scotch. He kept his eyes fixed on the television broadcasting the last Coachella The Delancos had ever played "Chris was such a good dood. That poor girl" he passed the bottle to Nathan who took a large swig.

"I asked her how it felt at the funeral. She said it was like phantom limb. She could still feel him." Just like he could still feel Abigail.


	6. How To Disappear

Delilah stared blankly at the now empty nursery. All that remained were lavender walls and memories that felt like a lifetime ago. Bridgette put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"You're helping a lot of people" she assured her big sister.

"Did they load up my bags?" Delilah asked, her voice hollow.

"Yeah. They're all waiting for you downstairs" They descended the stairs into the foyer where the three men waited.

"You ready to go?" Murderface asked. She nodded. "Bridgette's gonna take good care of the place. Right, Bridgette?"

"Right"

"Call me at any time if you need anything" Delilah instructed. The three family members gave hugs, and then Delilah was out of the door.

The ride to Mordhaus was long and quiet. The muted plucks of Skwisgaar's guitar didn't do much to fill the silence. Delilah was curled close to the fireplace, watching the flames dance. She sipped an old fashioned and reminisced about bonfires and cheap alcohol she and Chris enjoyed as teenagers. She yearned for vodka kisses in the late New Jersey summer. The air would be sweet with the smell of the harvest mixed with burnt wood. She dreamed of raising her daughter in Hammonton. She would have taken her to the berry festivals and apple picking. She had looked forward to hayrides in the many farms, retiring with Chris on their own plot of land and growing tomatoes and strawberries. All of that disappeared as they crossed state lines.

"It's going to be a couple more hours. They have a bed ready if you'd, ah, like to take a nap" Charles offered.

"No thank you" Delilah said quietly.

"Would you like anything to eat?" She shook her head no. "If you need anything, I'm in my office" as he passed by Murderface he gave a shrug. "I tried"

"She hasn't eaten in days" there was concern in Murderface's voice.

"She ament's beens hungry" Skwisgaar set his guitar down. "Neithers of us ams" Murderface had noticed the weightloss in his bandmate. The already slender frame looked about ten pounds lighter.

"Maybe when we get home we can have Jean Pierre make her some of her favorite foods? Maybe she'll eat then?"

Two more hours passed before the bus pulled up to the Mordhaus entrance. It had been Delilah's first time there since before the Revengancers' attack. It hadn't changed much. She didn't care for the European gothic décor, but the sheer vastness of the viking ship never ceased to amaze her. Klokateers lead her to her room where her luggage awaited.

"If you need anything else, mistress, just press the button on your bedside table" She tried not to grimace at being called mistress. The klokateer bowed and exited. She plopped down on the queen sized bed covered with a blood red comforter and black sheets. She had her own bathroom complete with a Jacuzzi tub and shower. A gift basket filled with items from Dethklok's new The Smell of Deth bath and body line sat on the countertop. The smell of death was roses in this case, Delilah's favorite. In a second gift basket there were several bottles of her favorite New Jersey wines. The bed was new, but comfortable. Before she knew it she had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Skwisgaar walked into his room to see a nervous Toki waiting anxiously on his bed. His initial shock turned to annoyance, then resolved into guilt. "Heys" was all he could manage to say.

"Heys" the younger man returned. "How ams yous?" Skwisgaar crossed the room and slumped onto his bed. He let out a deep sigh as his head hit the mattress.

"Tireds" he answered. "Ands yous?"

"Tireds toos. I ament's sleepings much" Skwisgaar could tell. The blonde sat up and reached out to trace the dark circles under his bandmate's eyes. Toki turned his head away. The other man awkwardly place his hand on his shoulder instead. "Hows yous goirlfriends?" Toki didn't mean to sound so bitter but he couldn't help it. Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow.

"Toki, she ament's my... hers husbands just dieds. My-my boyfriends just dieds!" The words felt foreign coming out of his mouth. He had never called Chris his boyfriend. His irrational fear of appearing homosexual was made even more irrational in the moment. "My boyfriends just dieds" he repeated. "She neededs me, Toki. Ands I neededs hers"

"I needs yous toos, Skwisgaar!" Toki yelled. "I was kidnappeds! Tyken også, what's abouts me!? What's abouts Toki?"

"What's abouts Toki!?" Skwisgaar shouted. "What's abouts Skwisgaar!? I was theres for yous every nights whens you cames homes! You slepts ins my beds" Toki was shocked by the tears streaming down Skwisgaar's face. "I comforts yous ands I does everythings I cans to makes yous feels betters!" His voice cracked as he broke down. "I loveds hims and nows he's gones"

"You coulds haves cames to me" Toki said in a near whisper. "I woulds haves beens theres for yous what's you weres fors me" He pulled the broken man into his arms and shushed him. "I'ms heres fors you, Skwisgaar"

"Yous beens throughs too much. Ands Moidaface ands Delilah ams the onlys ones who knews"

"I wouldn'ts evers judge yous. After everythings we's been throughs" He stroked Skwisgaars long, blonde mane. "If you loveds hims, I can'ts be mads abouts it"

"Toki, I knows hows you feels abouts me. You woulds haves been devastateds" He was right. Toki was devestated. After the kidnapping he decided to let the secret out. Skwisgaar didn't reject him, either out of guilt or his own mutual feelings. He indulged him as much as he could.

"I woulds haves founds out eventuallys" He kissed the top of Skwisgaar's head.

"I'm sorrys" Skwisgaar croaked.

"Hush nows, you ament's needs to be sorrys. I'm sorrys" The two men shared a passionate kiss. The older man let himself fall fully onto the white sheets and Toki followed. They stripped each other of their clothes, their hands exploring the other's body.

"I'ms always goings to be rights heres" Skwisgaar whispered into his lover's ear.

Murderface downed his fifth whiskey of the day. He had a klokateer checking on Delilah every so often. He was glad she was sleeping. With her heavy ambien use he was worried she wouldn't wake up. He dug chunks out of the arm of the sofa with his knife. The last time he had been this on edge  was when Toki and Abigail had gone missing.

"Where's your cousin?" The gruff voice of Nathan asked. He took a seat on the far side of the sofa.

"She's taking a nap" Murderface answered. He poured himself another drink and offered the bottle to Nathan. "Shouldn't you be with Abigail?" Nathan took a swig.

"We broke up"

"Oh. That sucks"

"Yeah"

"Does that mean she's not our producer anymore?" Nathan shook his head no.

"She's still our producer. Wouldn't have it any other way to be honest" the men sipped their alcohol in silence.

"It's weird how people can just disappear like that" Murderface said suddenly. Nathan cocked his head to the side.

"What do you mean?" The bassist pointed to the T.V.

"The show 'How To Disappear' it's about people that go missing. You never think it will happen to the people you love, and yet, here we are"

Delilah was woken by a firm knock on her door. She sat up feeling heavy and confused. She was reminded of her new surroundings by the deep red of the bedroom walls decorated with black sconses. "I'm coming" she called out in a raspy voice. She dragged herself to the door, answering to a very distraught Skwisgaar. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

"We has to stops sleepings togethers" Skwisgaar blurted out. Delilah narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean? We only had sex once?

"I knows. We has to stops _goings_ to sleeps in the sames beds" Skwisgaar crossed the threshold into her room, taking a seat on the bed.

"Okay...? Why?" She took her own place on the bed. She couldn't deny that she was hurt. They weren't dating, and he had no obligations to keep sleeping with her, but he was her only flesh and blood connection to Chris.

"Toki ands I.. we haves a things goings ons" The swede avoided her gaze.

"Wow." She said incredulously "Glad to see you've moved on so quickly"

"It ament's likes thats" he argued.

"It seems like that to me" she countered.

"That ament's fairs, Delilah!" He exclaimed. "He was stabbeds and lockeds ups in a basements. I'ms the onlys persons he feels safes withs" He looked at her with pleading, blue eyes. Delilah held her head in her hands.

"You're the only person that understands what I'm going through right now"

"Ands I stills understands. I wills always be heres" He reached out to touch her, but she turned away.

"Whatever, Skwisgaar. Do want you want. Just.. just get out of my room"

"Delilah, I-"

"Get out!" She cut him off. Skwisgaar stood and croseed the room to the door. He hesitated as if he was about to say something, then thought better of it and left.  She immediately uncorked a merlot and chugged it.


	7. I Can Tell That We're Going To Be Friends

"Why do we have to mooooove?" Delilah groaned. She sat sandwiched between her two sisters in her parents car. She made her displeasure of leaving the city more than known over the last two months.

"Honey, please. We've already been through this" her father said, exasperated.

"It's not so bad, Del" said her mother. "The city is only twenty minutes away. And you'll be closer to your cousin William. Won't that be nice?"

"We already see him every weekend" she argued. "I'm leaving all of my friends behind! It was hard enough to find them, you know I have a hard time talking to people!"

"Get over it, Del" her older sister, Ydian, huffed.

"Yeah, get over it" Bridgette echoed.

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"No, you!"

"Mom, Delilah's telling me to shut up!"

"All three o' yous shut up!" Their mother scolded. "Daddy's trying to drive"

The house in Cherry Hill, New Jersey wasn't large, but it felt like a mansion compared to their small row home in Northeast Philadelphia. Delilah could recognize the pros of moving. Her dad's new job would mean she could finally get her piano lessons. She was able to have her own room, which was the only thing she really liked about the house. She could decorate how she wanted, and she wasn't constantly stepping over Bridgette's toys.

It was nice having a back yard. Over the weeks her parents had built a play set for the youngest daughter. There was a hot tub and above ground pool that everyone was excited about. Her favorite discovery, however, was the small creek by the tree line of her property. She followed it through the woods where it fed into a large lake. There she saw a boy about her age fishing. 'Should I say hi?' Delilah wondered to herself. Her anxiety wouldn't allow it.

Over the weeks she would keep going to the lake just to sit and soak in the beauty. She would see the boy sometimes, but never attempted a greeting. She was sure he never noticed her anyway. She was as awkward a teenager as one could get. Her curly, black hair was always pulled into a bushy ponytail. She wasn't very fashionable, preferring tee-shirts and jeans to anything else most girls would be wearing. Glasses decorated her face, as did many pimples and bushman eyebrows. She was chunky. Her parents were confident she would thin out as she grew, but there was no guarantee.

"Hi!" A male voice greeted. She turned her gaze from the lake to the boy. Her heart leapt when she saw his hazel eyes. "You're new here right?" She could only nod. "I've seen you around. You're always alone"

"S-so are you" she stuttered.

"I'm the only one of my friends that likes fishing" he sat next to her and offered his hand. "I'm Chris. Chris Delanco. I live down the street" Delilah grabbed his hand and shook.

"I'm Delilah Gutierrez. We just moved here a couple months ago"

"How old are you?"

"I turn thirteen in September" Chris grinned.

"I turn thirteen in two days. I'm having a party do you wanna come?" Delilah could feel herself blushing. A real boy, a _cute_ boy, invited her to his birthday party.

"Yeah, I'd love to"

As they chatted they realized that they had many things in common. They liked the same movies and the same bands. Chris knew how to play guitar and Delilah knew how to sing and play keyboard. They would make up silly songs on the spot or play covers, whatever they felt like in the moment. "You know, Delilah, I'm really glad I met you. I could tell you would be the kind of person I could be friends with" they sat at the edge of the lake on the last day of summer vacation watching the sunset.

"Yeah, me too"


	8. Our Deal

It had been three months since Delilah had chosen to stay with her cousin and the band in Mordhaus. She was still adjusting to the constant chaos. She was used to assistants, but there was a constant unease around the klokateers. She knew many of them met grisly, untimely demises. Ontop of the klokateers, the presence of the patch-work chef, Jean Pierre, sent chills up her spine. She always suspected that Will was underplaying the destruction Dethklok left in their wake, she just never knew by how much.

Since their fight, Delilah had been avoiding Skwisgaar as much as possible. It wasn't hard. The place was so vast she could hide out in the places she knew Skwisgaar never went. Mainly the gym. She was channeling her frustrations into three hours of cycling a day. She had lost all of her pregnancy weight plus fifteen pounds. She still wasn't satisfied with her body. She never was. She missed being pregnant, having a reason to take care of herself. Her tan skin had never been clearer or more radiant. More importantly, she had never been happier. She wound down her speed on the exercise bike as she neared the end of her third hour.  She was taken a bit by surprise as Nathan entered the gym and took a spot near her by the free weights.

"Hey" he greeted.

"Hey. I didn't know you were working out again" she panted.

"I usually work out later. I started again when were training for the rescue" he began pumping a thirty pound weight. Delilah was impressed by his new figure. He was still husky but his abs were becoming more noticeable even under his shirt. His biceps had become more defined.

"Will told me yous were the ones who saved them. Why didn't you have the klokateers do it?"

"They were fighting off the Revengancers. Skwisgaar was the one who found Toki and Abby. We snuck out while they were still fighting" He continued to lift weights quietly. Delilah stopped pedaling and dismounted the bike. She swayed slighty, grabbing the handlebar for support. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah I just got lightheaded for a minute" Delilah replied breathlessly.

"You need to eat"

She rolled her eyes. "I do eat"

"Having a salad a day ain't eating"

"I'm just trying to lose my pregnancy weight"

Nathan raised his eyebrows. She had gotten considerably thinner since she had moved in. Her once full thighs no longer rubbed together. He could see her ribs on her bare midriff.  Her breasts were still large, but were shrinking. "It looks like you already have"

Delilah said nothing as she left the gym. She walked towards the sauna hoping that she would be able to steam alone. Much to her chagrin, Pickles, Toki, and Skwisgaar were there.

"Care to join us?" Pickles offered. She had already gotten undressed and was wrapped in a towel. She figured there was no point in leaving. She took a seat on the bench and let the hot steam relax her. Skwisgaar stared at the floor with guilty eyes. Toki's demeanor turned cold. Delilah realized that Skwisgaar had a type; muscular with facial hair. The Norwegian was equally as beautiful as Chris had been, and she hated it.

"I ament's seens much of you" Skwisgaar said hollowly.

"I've been around" Delilah said in a cool voice.

"Yer lookin' good" Pickles commented. "You been workin' out?"

"Every day" she replied.

The drummer glanced at her prominent collar bones then to Skwisgaar. "Yer gettin' skinnier than him." Delilah was starting to grow tired of the comments on her body.

"Probablys because she ament's eats" Toki muttered. Skwisgaar swatted his shoulder.

"Don'ts be rudes"

"I ament's beings rudes. It's true"

"Okay" Delilah said flatly. "I'm gonna go"

"No, you don't gotta leave" Pickles said. "Ignore him he's bein' a douchebag"

Toki opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by Delilah. "It's fine. I have stuff I gotta do" the three men watched her leave.

"Dood, what the hell was that?" Pickles asked Toki.

"Nothings. She's losings weights so fasts because she ament's eatings. We alls knows this"

"That ament's means you cans points it outs like thats" Skwisgaar lectured. He stood to leave. "I'ms goings to go talks to hers" he ignored Toki's dramatic huff as he walked out of the sauna. He tracked her down to the kitchen where she was pouring herself a glass of wine. "I'ms sorry he was beings a dildos"

"Don't apologize for him" She popped two blue pills and washed them down with the wine. "Does he comment on _your_ weight?"

He looked to the floor. "I ament's... doings that anymores"

"Oh. Well, good. That's good" there was an awkward silence. "What's his issue with me, anyway?" Delilah asked finally.

"He sees yous as havings a romantics rivalries. I tolds him that ament's the deals"

"Did you tell him what our deal is?"

"Ja, he knows"

"Then why is he acting like a jealous boyfriend?" Skwisgaar became visibly uncomfortable when she said the word boyfriend.

"I thinks he's scareds of me leavings. I thinks he's havings abandonment issues"

Delilah's face softened. "I get that. I can understand that" she stepped closer to Skwisgaar and held her arms out for a hug. He wrapped himself into his best friend. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch to you"

"You don'ts has to be sorrys. I'ms sorrys I mades you feels whats ams abandoned" they squeezed each other tighter.

"You don't have to be sorry"


	9. Sound and Color

William woke to the smell of bacon, eggs, hashbrowns and toast. He opened his eyes to a hot plate of his favorite breakfast presented on a silver tray. A pot of coffee sat on his cluttered bedside table along with a note. _"Happy birthday Will! Love, Delilah"_ He smiled, pleased that his cousin would go through the effort of making him breakfast in bed. He always dreaded his birthday. He was repulsed by aging, resentful that he couldn't avoid it. In that moment he would put his resentment aside and enjoy his meal.

Usually for his birthday he would have some sort of lavish party. Either renting out a night club, once an entire island, and indulge in all of the booze and drugs his money could buy. This year he just wanted to spend time with his cousin. He saw her downstairs on the couch with the others watching T.V.

_"Today, Dethklok bassist William Murderface celebrates his thirty-third birthday in a different fashion than in the past. No wild parties for this man. A Dethklok insider has told us he plans to spend a quiet night at home with his new roommate and maternal cousin, Delilah Gutierrez-Delanco. The Murdercousins have stayed under the radar since the tragic passing of Delilah's husband, Chris, and her devestating miscarriage-"_

Nathan changed the channel. He saw the glint in her eye signaling her pain. The two had been getting closer since they had started working out together regularly. Murderface was glad to see his cousin adjusting well to his home and getting along with his bandmates. Even Toki was starting to warm up to her.

"Happy birthday, Will" Delilah greeted. "How'd you like breakfast?"

"It was delicious" he replied. "It feels good to be appreciated by someone in this house for once"

"We appreciate you" Nathan argued. "We got you all that history crap that one year, all those weird torture devices..." Nathan trailed off, trying to think of other things they've given the basist. "Look, we've done a lot of shit for you and we don't mind having you around so do with that what you will"

"So whats do you has planneds for todays?" Skwisgaar asked. He plucked away at his guitar practicing scale after scale.

"Well I'm glad you asked!" Murderface beamed. "Remember how I invested in that medical marijuana farm in California?" Pickles' attention was turned from the cartoon he was watching to the bassist. "Well, they sent me a huge bag of pot, and on the down low, twenty sheets of acid" Pickles', along with the rest of the band's, eyes went wide. "That's right, you dildo lickers, we're gonna trip balls!" The five men cheered and high fived.

"I think I'm gonna sit it out" Delilah said unenthused.

"Aww, c'mon Del. It'll be fun"

"I don't know if I'm in the right frame of mind"

"Ifs you starts to goes into a bads trips I cans talks you downs froms it" Skwisgaar volunteered. All five members of Dethklok stared at her with pleading eyes. She bit her lip, weighing the pros and cons.

"I guess it might help?" 

Murderface laid out all of his paraphernalia on the coffee table. Pickles took the liberty of packing a bowl in the shape of an elephant. Murderface took one large hit and choked on the smoke in his throat. After his coughing fit he placed four tabs of the LSD on his tongue. The others followed, smoking and ingesting. The bowl was passed to Delilah, who took a long drag. She exhaled slowly. Whatever it was that Murderface had it was potent. As she exhaled the familiar wave of THC washed over her.

"Shit, that is some good stuff" she was feeling giggly already. She leaned back against the couch relaxing into the high.

"You should try the acid" Pickles said in a dreamy voice. Delilah hesitated. She wanted the acid, and it might have provided some much needed relief from her misery. With shaky hands she took two tabs and let them dissolve on her tongue.

"What should we do while we wait for it to kick in?" Nathan asked?

"We could get some trippy visuals going" Murderface suggested.

"We could watch Across the Universe" Delilah suggested. "Plenty of trippy stuff in that. Oh! How about Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?" Everyone seemed to agree. They loaded the movie to stream and waited. About twenty-five minutes into the film, Delilah could feel a sense of euphoria rush over her. The shadows began to dance, and the walls started to look as if they were breathing. She took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. She looked at her cousin who's pupils were severely dialated. She rested her head on Nathan's broad shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and stroked her cheek with his finger. She hadn't realized how touch starved she had been. The last man to show her that kind of affection was Skwisgaar on the last night they had shared a bed. 

She didn't notice Pickles gaze was fixed to her. He liked how tiny she looked next to Nathan. He liked the way that her legs were crossed in a way that accentuated the curve of her hips, hugged by tight gray leggings. He nervously allowed a hand to rest on her thigh. She shifted, welcoming more much needed affection from the two handsome men. She interlaced her fingers with Pickles and brought his fist to her lips giving it a light peck. Nathan glared over at his drummer, not sure how to feel. That's when he felt Delilah's soft lips graze the nape of his neck. His eyes shifted around the room. The others were giggling and paying more attention to themselves than the film or him. Murderface stared at his hands while Skwisgaar and Toki were spooning.

"This is amazing!" Murderface giggled. "Guys, guys I swear I can see my blood moving through my veins"

"That sounds weird" Delilah said in a dazed voice. Her eyes were wide, as was the smile on her face. She glanced over to the Scandinavians, now making out on the floor. The room was illuminated with intense sound and color coming from the various electronics surrounding her. The more she noticed them the more extreme her trip began to feel. Pickles' hand in hers felt too alien. The soft grunts and moans coming from Skwisgaar and Toki made her think of Chris and the times they would trip together. The last time was two years before the accident. Skwisgaar had joined them on their small vacation to Ibiza where they tripped and made love all day and night. She remembered the way her husband would look at them in bed, nothing but love, lust, and amazement in his eyes. She felt herself becoming overwhelmed with greif that she would never have that again. Before she realized, tears were streaming down her face in a steady flow.

"Del? What's wrong?" Nathan asked. Delilah released Pickles hand and wrapped her arms around Nathan. Everyone's attention had shifted to her. She hated crying in front of everyone, especially on a day that belonged to her cousin. Five sets of concerned eyes fixed on her, making her feel exposed and embarrassed.

"I-uh" she stuttered. "I just miss Chris. I miss him and I miss Ibiza" Pickles cocked an eyebrow.

"Ibiza? Spain?" She nodded, avoiding looking at him or anyone else.

"Thats was the last times we tripped togethers" Skwisgaar said solemnly. Toki tried his best to hide his jealousy. He knew that something like this would mean he would have to share him again with her, although he never truly had him to himself to begin with. Delilah slunk to the floor where Skwisgaar joined her. He grabbed her face in his hands and gave her a small peck on the lips. Delilah tried to deepen the kiss, but was kept at a distance. "You knows we can'ts. Nots in fronts of Tokis" the Swede whispered.

"I'm sorry" Delilah said hollowly. "Will, I'm sorry. I don't mean to cry on your birthday" she picked herself up from the floor and headed to the stairwell. Her cousin stood up to stop her.

"You don't have to go, you didn't do amything wrong" he protested. She looked at him with empty eyes.

"This was a bad idea for me" she patted him on the shoulder. "Enjoy your day with your friends. I'm going to take a xanax and come down and I'll be fine in a few hours" her breath was hitching in her throat. The tears were still coming steady down her face.

"Please don't go upstairs by yourself" Murderface pleaded. He felt more intune with her than he ever had. Her energy was dark and worried him. 

"I just need to calm down" she choked. He nodded and watched as she ascended the stair case. Nathan stood behind him.

"I'll go check on her. Stay here and enjoy your party"

"Nathan, I think she's suicidal"

"I shoulds go" Skwisgaar volunteered.

"No" Toki said firmly

"Now isn't the time to be jealous, dood" Pickles chastised. Toki merely rolled his eyes.

"I says "no" because Skwisgaar ams the triggers for hers missing her husbands. She's trippings huge balls" he looked sympathetically at his lover. "Seeings you cans makes it worse" Skwisgaar's face darkened. 

"Him's rights"

"Well, someone has to check on her. And since I'm basically her best friend in the house it should be me" Nathan brushed past Murderface and followed Delilah upstairs. 

"He's her best friend in the house?" Murderface chuckled. His chuckle turned into bellowing laughter at a visibly offeded Skwisgaar.


	10. Pristine

Nathan paced outside of Delilah's door, thinking of ways to talk her down from suicide. _'Damn it, I can't think of anything to say'_ he furrowed his brow trying desperately to keep the woman he had grown to care about so deeply here with him. The way she had melted into him on the couch had made him feel the same type of warmth and safety he had with Abigail, but he prayed Delilah never hurt him the same way. _'You idiot. You don't even know how she feels about you. And she's clearly not over her dead fucking husband who was a lot better looking than you anyways!'_ He beat his head with his fists, trying to chase away the nagative thoughts. She kissed his neck, that had to count for something. The frontman took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It was followed by an eerie silence. He knocked again, this time louder and more panicked.

"Come on" he pleaded to the door. "Come on please open" he banged his large fist on the door over and over again until finally it was swung open by an irritated Delilah. Nathan stopped his pounding before he accidentally struck her. She sighed and motioned for him to come in. Candles were lit around the room. Soft guitar music played from the surround sound speakers. Nathan could hear the deep voice of Chris Delanco crooning out a song he'd never heard before. "Is this, uh... is this what you recorded for his, um, his final album?" Delilah answered him from her bathroom where she was drawing a bath. 

"No. These are some unreleased B-sides. We always figured we'd use them in a special LP or something" she exited the bathroom. Nathan loved the way she looked in her crimson and black bath robe. Though she was very skinny, her curves still managed to show through the thin silk. "So.. I know Will sent you up here, right?" Nathan shook his head.

"I volunteered" his eyes were fixed to the very loosely tied belt around her waist. Delilah rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't going to kill myself, Nathan. I took a xanax, I'm coming down from the trip, and I'm taking a bubble bath to relax" she threw her hands up "Okay!?"

"Okay" Nathan replied. "I still wanna stick around and make sure you mean it"

"What, are you gonna watch me take a bath?" Delilah snorted. She noticed Nathan's eyebrow twitch. He slightly lowered his gaze to her tiny legs. Her face straightened as realization hit her. "Oh, Nathan..." she sat beside him and lowered her head into her hands.

"Delilah, you've been a big help in me getting over Abigail. And in the process I developed some feelings..." Nathan trailed off. Her disapproving look made him want to kick himself. "God damn it, Delilah, I like you a lot. A lot, a lot. I might even.." he mumbled the last bit.

"I'm sorry?" Delilah crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. He huffed and mumbled again, but louder. "Come again?" She pushed.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I THINK I MIGHT LOVE YOU" he bellowed. She smirked.

"There's no need to yell, Nate" she noticed a slight blush on his cheeks. "Stay in here. I'll sing so you know I'm alive. I'll leave the door open" she kissed him on the shoulder and went into the bathroom. The scent of roses and vanilla wafted out to Nathan. He could also hear Delilah harmonizing with her husband's voice.

_Oh there's a river that winds on forever_  
I'm gonna see where it leads  
Oh there's a mountain that no man has mounted  
I'm gonna stand on the peak 

Nathan looked longingly at the bathroom door. He wanted desperately to join her. He wanted to take away her pain the way she took away his. Abigail was still alive, but he was certain she was never coming back. That was kind of the same thing, right?

_To the ends of the earth would you follow me?_  
There's a world that was meant for our eyes to see  
To the ends of the earth would you follow me?  
If you won't, I must say my goodbyes to thee 

Delilah's voice faded into a soft sob that got harder with each note. "Do you want me to come in?" Nathing called out. He was answered with hysterical wails. "Got it" he spent the next hour listening to the woman he loved mourn her husband. Eventually Delilah made her way back out, only in a towel. She crawled onto the bed right into Nathan's arms. He gently pulled her down with him so they were both laying face to face. "How do you feel?"

"Cleansed" she replied in a quiet voice. "Do you mean it?" She asked.

"What?"

"Do you love me?" She looked up at him through thick, long lashes. Staring into her big brown eyes made his stomach twist into knots.

"I think so" he mumbled. She bit her lip and looked down at the sheets.

"I'm not ready" she said in a near whisper. "It's only been five months"

"I can wait" he said confidently.

"I don't want you to" she sat up and crossed her legs. "Nate, I may never be ready. Chris was the love of my life. He is the only man I have ever loved since I was a little girl" she looked deeply into his eyes. "I don't think I could ever love someone like that again" Nathan sat up and wrapped a massive arm around her.

"You don't have to. I just want you with me. I'll even do that open relationship bullshit, even though I kind of want you to stick to girls only, but that's besides the point" Delilah rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Oh my god, Nathan, buddy it doesn't work that way"

"You can teach me how it works" he looked at her, his emerald eyes pleading. "You can't tell me you don't feel something. You can't tell me after all of this time we've spent together" She avoided his gaze. "You kissed my neck. That means something" they were quiet for a long time.

"My relationship with Chris was the most pure, pristine, incredible thing" she said softly. "Nate, I can't say I don't feel _something_ , but I don't know what that something is yet"

"We can find out together" he leaned in and kissed her softly. She returned the kiss, wrapping her arms against his neck. He could feel her damp towel through his shirt. He ripped it off of her letting it crumple to the floor. He layed her down on her back breaking their kiss so he could take in her naked body. He missed her fuller figure, but she was still beautiful to look at. Her curly hair splayed out like a halo around her. Her golden skin made her look like a goddess. 

"You're so fucking hot"

"How very romantic" she giggled. He ran a finger over her sensitive clit making her back arch. He softly rubbed it in slow circles.

"I remember you like this" his gruff voice sounded surprisingly sultry. He slid his index finger in and felt that she was already soaked. "You wanted this bad, didn't you?"

"Yeah" she breathed.

"I wanted it too, baby" he spread her legs further apart and positioned himself between them. He ran his tongue down her concave stomach all the way to her dripping pussy. He let his tongue dart around her clit, making her moans get louder.

"Oh fuck! Oh Nate!" She cried out. He licked her expertly, seeming to know exactly when to slow down and speed up. He slipped two thick fingers inside of her, sliding them in and out. Her walls tightened around him indicating her orgasm.

"You're gonna cum for me" he growled. He quickened his pace, relishing the rolling of her hips. Her moans increased in volume, her back arching farther and farther, until finally she came. Her body relaxed, head rolling back and chest heaving.

"Oh god damn" she panted.

"I'm not done with you yet" with a grunt he pushed his engorged member into her still sensitive hole. He would have never guessed she had given birth a mere five months before. He glared intensely at her. Her face was glazed over with lust. Their eyes bore into each other. Nathan thrusted into her, never wanting to look away. She was beautiful under him, moaning his name, cumming on his cock. The acid made him feel every one of her pulsating orgasms. He wouldn't allow himself to finish just yet. He had waited long enough for this. He was going to take it.

"Oh Nathan. Oh my god, Nathan" she purred. She hadn't experienced love making like that since Chris. Nathan's cock was as thick as it was long, hitting all of her angles in the best ways. Her ecstacy spread through her body making her feel tingly and warm. He hooked his leg under her's and flipped themselves so she was on top. He sat upright his arms wrapped around her waist. He was so strong and her so small he could toss her around like a rag doll. She bounced on him feeling another orgasm coming. "Baby, I'm gonna cum again" she squeeked.

"I'm gonna cum too. Keep riding me!" Her hips quickened, as did her breathing. Nathan pulled her closer to him. He matches the rhythm of her hips. He felt her pulse around him again, this time a rush of warm fluid spilling out of her. Her last orgasm came with a loud scream. He allowed himself to finish inside of her growling, gripping her hips as he thrusted deep into her. The two exhaled and fell onto their backs. Nathan wore a small, satsfied smile. He pulled Delilah into him, needing to feel her skin against his.

"Wow" Delilah sighed. She nuzzled into his neck, peppering it with soft kisses.

"I'm gonna make you love me" Nathan said, the smile still on his face. Delilah chuckled.

"That's a bold statement"

"Nathan Explosion always gets what he wants"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Ends of the Earth by Lord Huron


End file.
